Juxtaposition… Fall very definitely in the cooler air, the softer light and changing colors, the gentler feel of the sun. And the Personal Magic book is finally emerging. Chapters have gone to my ‘editor’, the E-publishing Guide Queen is ready to receive. There is a date – it will be out in November before Thanksgiving.

Giving birth even as the season is ending.

Last full moon, Thursday 22 September, I stood on my little porch and looked up at her. Just over two and half weeks ago I made a promise to focus on creating and making the book available out into the unknown. I promised that I would complete this work, and not allow anything to sidetrack me no matter how splendid or exciting or perfectly sensible.

I also knew that to complete it and get it out would entail some house cleaning. (Yes, I know it is usually a Spring activity but for me this slowing down, hibernating-feeling time stirs my cleaning juices! I want to turn the mattress, change the under-sheet, and get out the quilt.)

The cleaning is also a form of clearing, letting go. This is a book, after all, about living an Empowered life in Awareness of Self, taking Responsibility for your life, living in Joy. The lurking, nagging discomforts of unfinished business, from this year and even a few before that, demand way too much of my attention. They will not stay in that little dark closet to which I had assigned them.

Throughout out the summer, playing, exploring new places, cleansed and replenished daily by the sun, it was easier to keep them in the shadows. Now, with the days shorter and the heat of the sun less intense, the parade of all the Unfinished Business murkiness comes out to march before me. They mock my book, reminding me that I am not quite yet walking my talk. They tell me that I am not worthy of the ideas I have, stoke my fires of self-doubt. They shout, ‘Look at us! Look at us! See? We are you.’

I can’t run away from them at this time of year. I don’t want to. There is a powerful pull that I recognize and honor more and more, as I have become clearer and stronger. The beacon of my future invites me to move on, to leave, let go of the harmful old. ‘No’,’ I tell the Unfinished Business, with its confusion, fear, sadness and anger, ‘You are not me. You are shadows of me and I don’t need you any more. You ARE finished.’

Some of them slink away at the mere reminder of this. Some are more sturdy and plant their memories firmly in my heart. ‘Then do something’, they challenge.

So, I have been and I am. Some of these old stories have to be addressed head on. Letters written, visits made, conscious conversations and gentle goodbyes. The Fall season, while she might bring the Unfinished Business to the surface, is not responsible for erasing it. That is my task, opportunity, ultimately my gift. To myself.

As the creator of my life, as the storyteller and heroine of my personal story, I have the great honor to open that story to all it can be. The Spirit that moves, through me, finding expressions in my life lived, expects no less and believes in me, to be all that is possible.

So as the season changes, I hike for miles up canyons and through forests, and ride my little gray horse over stony trails, feeling the goodbye in the shortening days. I also feel the stirring of a welcome slowing down, moving within, quietly making choices and taking action. Creating the book (almost done) and then fully shifting brain tracks into the business of getting it out to the world.

My Business this fall is to finish up/let go of the no longer needed business, and embrace the necessary business of the birthing process. Personal Magic is ready. Am I? is the real question.

When I stood before the full moon nearly three weeks ago, I am not sure to whom I made that promise. To the moon, myself, the universe? It doesn’t matter – it is made. It feels good to have it on the table. Tonight I look at this only just larger than a sliver moon. For a few days she was invisible, but today, clear and fresh in the indigo sky, she has promised something to me.

‘I will come full again. You will bloom and the work will shine forth rich and full. Take advantage of the dark quarters, sit on the sharp, curved edges, ride the circle as it fills and absorbs all your fears and griefs. I will reflect the dreams that have been conceived in the sun. I will nurture them through the dark nights. And then one day, when you are ready, when your house is clean, we will set the vision free. It will be a star in the firmament.’

Advertisements